


the scars will fade away but never dissapear, my dear,

by 1500birds



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Starts sad but ends okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-23
Updated: 2014-03-23
Packaged: 2018-01-16 19:10:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1358659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1500birds/pseuds/1500birds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You doubted the existence of love for the first time when your mother spilled a drink on a sweater you knitted."</p><p>In which Rose tries to figure out love and finds the answer in Kanaya Maryam.</p><p>Inspired by the prompt that Kanaya is very self conscious about her scar, but it really got out of hand</p>
            </blockquote>





	the scars will fade away but never dissapear, my dear,

You doubted the existence of love for the first time when your mother spilled a drink on a sweater you knitted. You doubted the existence of love again when you stood beside the grave of Jaspers and remained oblivious to the fact that you mother really was trying her best. You doubted the existence of love a third time when you stood atop a white castle that dripped red, red that spilled out from two people whose hands were still together, red that trailed from your mother, who you never got to say sorry to, who you would never get to say sorry to.

You stopped doubting love’s existence, and became assured that it was something people thought of to make the life you were stuck in a little bearable.

 

===>

 

You doubted love’s absence when you stepped down onto the roof of a laboratory that was embedded into a meteor and laid your eyes on the face behind the clipped green text you read with secret enjoyment. You doubted love’s absence when you became so nervous at the prospect of seeing her one night that you took a sip of the poison your mother trailed throughout your old house. You doubted love’s absence when she saw tears and kissed them, and then kissed you, under the light of a green sun and stars too far away, under the silent notation of the way you shook because you were scared of something you didn’t think existed.

You stopped doubting love’s absence, and realized that it was everywhere and shined the brightest from a girl with jade eyes.

 

===>

 

Your lips find hers like a pirate finding the x on the map; with a rush and a thrill. Her fingers are calloused but gentle on the back of your neck and in your hair. Her name rolls off your tongue like water on wax and tastes like lavender.

“Kanaya.”

“Yes?” There are a million things you could compare her voice too, like windchimes or rose petals, but right now it just sounds like safety.

You realize you honestly have nothing to say and just smirk and kiss her again. It’s dark in the computer lab you turned to a commonroom, and you are both sitting on a couch that took you sisteen days to alchemize. She is sitting proper, but you’ve tossed one of your legs across her lap to get closer. She kisses you back again and rubs the small of your back. You pull away from her lips to trace down her neck. This gets you a low hum from the back of her throat. You love every sound she makes.

You so quickly become so engrossed in making that noise come forth louder that you don’t quite realize you’re trying to pull her shirt up and off until she suddenly rips it from your fingers and yanks it down.

When you look up at her, she’s looking away, with eyes that show shame and discomfort. “Kanaya?” you ask tentatively, touching her cheek to beckon her to look back at you. “What is it?”

“Nothing very important,” she tries to say but you give her a look that makes the rest of that lie get caught in her throat. With an unsteady inhale, she finally says “I’m afraid of you seeing how I died.”

You had actually forgotten that Kanaya had died at all, that there was a pretty big reason for her occasional glowing. “Why?” you ask, because you both know how it happened, and  you can’t see the significance of looking at her stomach, though you suddenly realize that you have never seen her stomach.

“It’s…” She searches for the right word, her eyes flickering everywhere except to your face and when she finally speaks, it is layered with so many more words than the one word she says: “Ugly.”

She thinks it’s ugly, and you can hear in her voice that by extension, she thinks it makes her ugly. You want to hold her, to whisper that she could never, ever be ugly, that she in beautiful in _every goddamn way_

but you only say “Please.”

There’s not an audible response but she doesn’t fight back when you try to pull off her shirt a second time. She squeezes her eyes shut with a face draped in fear and you don’t try to dispute that, instead looking sound her white flesh until there is no more flesh. Where there is a hole, caked in flush jade scar tissue, with tendrils of web-like skin crisscrossing across the gap.

It’s not big enough for you to put your fist through but the center is so thin that you think if you punched it, it would just give away. But the scar extends out in a perfect circle that is bigger than your head and it makes you sick thinking about how awful the wound must have been when it was dealt. You think of the pain she must have felt, laying on the ground with a hole through her. You wonder how long she had to lay there conscious, drowning in pain and waiting for death.

You kiss her hips. You kiss the scar and her ribs and every inch you can, you kiss up across her chest and you kiss the back of her hand that is covering her mouth, and you kiss her cheeks that are covered in tears leaking out of her closed eyes and she is shaking like you did when she kissed your tears.

“It’s,” you start to say, and then you pause, like she did, before saying “Beautiful. You are beautiful.” She opens her eyes and you repeat, “You, are, beautiful,” punctuating each word.

She kisses you, and with that kiss she kisses your scars and your tears and when you kiss her back, you kiss all of hers.

You never doubt love again.


End file.
